Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
