it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
