Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't deserve a penis
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
