DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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