You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
