I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
