So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
