What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
