More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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