I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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