Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She needs sedatives and a leash
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
