I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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