mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
