so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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