That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
