i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
