Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
