i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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