I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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