soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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