did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
