I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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