its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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