I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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