I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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