As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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