I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
