lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
