Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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