Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
