I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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