Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
