The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
