The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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