i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
