I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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