I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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