I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
