Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
