My girlfriend figured out who you are.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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