The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drake has all the answers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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