i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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