I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
