There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Are my feet made of real feet?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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