Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
