well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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