i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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