I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize