You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
