Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
