Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
