I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
