Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
