So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
