His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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