Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
