just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
