normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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