I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
