I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
