that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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