grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
