I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
