Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize