I want to have your abortion
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
