i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
