This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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