peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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