try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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