i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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