if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
